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Jamie Kirk's avatar

I was my adult son's caregiver for 8 years after a stroke. We both ostensibly got covid from a doctors office. Chris was not as sick as I as he was on extreme steroids for lupus. My x husband came in the morning to help get Chris out of bed, belittling us for not taking the vax and our knowledge of the entire covid scam. Chris's in home doctors bullied me into putting him in hospital even though he firmly believed they would kill him if he went. He depended on me to protect him. I could only do the minimum care. I am 74. His dad offered no help. I knew all the info and the protocols but they never came to mind. He was dead in 7 days. I always thought I was close to God. Now I literally hate everyone and hate myself for not loving them. I have no one, although my X believes us now because he watched them smoothly kill Chris, he won't talk about it at all. They did it so good but with the occasional smirk. I cannot pray. I see no purpose in this. I cannot drill down further to see my sin. I was not afraid I was sick. I do repent for not protecting him. I do not know the reason. Thank you for listening.

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